What is Sirius like?
by AshNox
Summary: Seventh year Marauders fight, laugh and insult each other.


**Disclaimer: All recognisable elements belong to J K Rowling.**

**AN:I read on the internet about dogs being like 'children that never grow up', and that Sirius was maybe meant to be like this.**

**So this is a one-shot in which I tried to make Sirius as dog like as possible. Remus is being wolfish, James deer-like and Peter ratty.**

**If it comes across as overly bromantic or wolfstar for you, then I apologise. I write them how I imagine them. I was inspired by the picture (which is actually of **_**Sirius**_** reading and **_**Remus**_** sleeping in the Gryffindor Common Room). **

**I've given it a T-rating for lots of insulting language and dialogue (which is just that, dialogue. It's NOT my opinion).**

**Please review. **

**.**

Do you know what Sirius is?

"Do you know what you are, Sirius?" Peter said. Sirius had just arrived in his dormitory, arm slung around James's shoulders. Their cheeks were burnt from the November wind, black hair tussled every-which-way, their red and gold Quidditch uniforms, caked in mud.

"Awesome!" Sirius said, with a laugh. James punched him enthusiastically on the shoulder.

"Bloody _awesome_!" He agreed. "Slytherin are history!"

.

Sitting against his headboard, Remus Lupin licked finger and thumb and turned another page of what looked to be a very boring book. "You must be very awesome if the Slytherins are 'history' when you haven't even played the match yet." He pointed out, softly.

"With a practice like that, Moonshine…" Sirius said, flinging himself muddily onto Remus's immaculate bed, to a screech of anger from Remus and a burst of uproarious laughter from James and Peter. "…the game's_ in the bag!_" Sirius yelled, over Remus's angry shouts.

.

"…A shit! …That is what you are!" Remus snarled; smashing him over the head with the very old library book until thin gold-edged papers erupted from it, sticking to the muddy boys and the muddy bed. "Look at the state of this!" Remus snarled, trying unsuccessfully to kick Sirius onto the floor, increasing his laughter until he was choking on it.

.

"You've broken your own book, Moony." James pointed out, wiping tears of laughter off his face. Remus threw the book across the room and screamed, flopping down on his pillows and kicking Sirius in the shoulder.

.

"…_You're_ a shit." Sirius complained, fending off kicks with his arms while failing to look either convincingly hurt or angry. He was still having difficulty keeping a straight face.

.

"…Actually, you are quite a lot like a big stupid puppy, Sirius." James told him. "Because if you tried that on me, 'Moonshine', I'd hex you into next week."

.

Sirius laughed from beneath his raised arms before vanishing under a fresh attack, of fists.

.

"…I think they're gonna shag." Peter said, coming to watch as well. He offered James a cracker from the box in his hand.

"Well it's not hard to see who'll be on top." James said, pointedly. "Coming to dinner, Wormy? Mud-wrestling just isn't the same without girls."

"Definitely." Peter agreed. "Before I have to 'obliviate' my own brain."

.

"_I hate you, Sirius!_" Remus snarled, a flash of white teeth slashing past Sirius's arm, making him force Remus firmly onto his back.

.

"You want to bite me?" He asked, calmly. Remus glared at him; chest heaving, gold eyes wild with anger.

"_Let go of me._" He growled.

"I'm going to." Sirius assured him. "Are you sure you want to bite me?"

"Of course I don't." Remus hissed, trying again to thrust Sirius away. "I hate you, _you shit_!"

"Because I got mud on your bed?" Sirius said, trying hard not to grin. Remus glared up at him, all gold angry eyes and bitterness. "Because my face broke your book?"

.

"That was a library book." Remus said, quietly.

"So I'll mix it with magic." Sirius said. "Or you will, because let's face it, you are the brains in this dormitory."

"That's James." Remus reminded him. "_Top in everything_."  
"Only because he doesn't spend a quarter of every month being ripped to pieces by a curse."

.

Remus didn't say anything. He sighed, dropping his grip on Sirius and letting himself fall back onto the pillow. He looked at the dusty red canopy above their heads. "…It's not fair." He said, bitterly. "I want to play Quidditch… _I just want to be normal, Sirius_."

"Read less and stare at girls breasts." Sirius suggested. Remus's lips curled into a pencil-thin smile.

"I don't want to be like Peter… I want to be like you." He said. "…Everyone wants to be like you, Sirius."

"No they don't." Sirius said. "…Only the boys, anyway."

"Quite." Remus agreed. "The girls just want you."

"And aren't stupid?" Sirius pointed out. "They don't even know me."

"You think people who know you, like you any less?" Remus asked, looking up at him again. At Sirius's beautiful face, still rather flushed and muddy.

.

"Well, my mother wishes I'd never been born." Sirius reminded him, quietly. "My whole family despise me. You think I'm a shit. And James thinks I'm a 'big stupid puppy'… Never did find out what Peter thought."

"I thought you knew you were 'awesome'." Remus quoted him with a rather forced smile. Sirius considered it, silver grey eyes focused on something far away in his memory.

.

"…No." He said. "There is not much I like about me."

"…I hope you're joking." Remus said, uncertainly.

"It's a bad sign when your own mother thinks you're unlovable." Sirius pointed out. "I'm not that clever or funny. James is vastly better at Quidditch. Through my own eyes I look pretty shit."

"That's ridiculous." Remus pointed out. Sirius smiled; a genuinely sad, self-deprecating smile.

.

"That's ridiculous." Remus said again. "I spend half my life too ill to do anything, hiding what's wrong with me because it is too repulsive and frightening for people to bear. I only really get to live in the worlds in my books.

.

"You are the rich and handsome heir to the most Nobel and Dodgy House of Black. And you're so good at Quidditch you've already beaten the Slytherins before you've even played them. You're so handsome first years gawk at you and teachers blush when you smile at them…"

"You talk some rubbish." Sirius assured him. "Am I squashing you?"

"Only in a good way." Remus assured him. "Werewolf's are untouchable. I can't swim in the lake because people will see the scars. It's shit being me. I just want to get lost in my books and forget about who I am and all the things I can't do; and you won't even let me do that."

"You can't live in books all the time." Sirius told him. "And you can't blame me for getting mud on your quilt; it's in my nature... You can bite me if you want." He added.

.

"I am really sorry about that." Remus admitted, ashamedly. "I just… lost my temper. It'll never happen again."

"Thanks, but I was serious." Sirius assured him. "You can bite me, if you want. We can be Werewolves together."

"I would never do that to you." Remus said, dragging his arm free to wipe his sleeve rather frantically at his eyes. "…For God's sake, Pads." He growled. "I wouldn't do that to anyone."

.

"Okay." Sirius conceded. "But don't just live in your books; pick up your walking cane and hobble over to the Quidditch stands to watch me being awesome, and then I won't feel the need to muddy up your bed, to get your attention."

.

"I thought you weren't 'awesome', after all." Remus said, drily. Sirius smiled at him.

"There is only one awesome thing about me." He said, smugly.

"…And that is what…? '_Everything'_?" Remus suggested, disapprovingly enough broadening Sirius's smile to something almost blinding. He snorted loudly. "…You won't always be this handsome, you know?" Remus told him, irritated. "You'll get old or the Deatheaters will catch you, or you'll have a nasty accident."

"Get bitten by a Werewolf…? The only time I feel awesome," Sirius told him, calmly. "is when you need me, after the full moon, and I'm _always_ there to make sure you're alright. That makes me feel awesome. When you need me, Moony, I will always be there."

"You're even there when I don't need you… _What_?" Remus interrupted himself. Sirius shrugged.

"You make me awesome, Moony." He said. "Being a Marauder makes me feel awesome." He kissed Remus's forehead, depositing more mud on him.

.

"…_Yes!_ You owe me a five Sickles, Prongs!" Peter said, still eating the crackers as he wandered over to Remus's bed.

"Oh, for God's sake, Padfoot!" James complained. "You utter arse!"

"Do I even want to know what that bet was?" Sirius asked, rolling off Remus and the bed and taking the box of crackers for himself.

"Probably not." Peter giggled, waiting for James to pay out.

"You're an idiot, Worm." Sirius scowled.

"Whatever, Gay boy." Peter giggled, pocketing the coins.

.

"People really do call you an awful lot of horrible names, Pads." Remus said, pulling himself up and starting to collect the crumpled muddy pages of his library book.

"Yes, and usually it's you doing the name calling, Moony." Peter pointed out.

"No, mostly it's his mother." James told them. "That woman is a freak."

"Don't insult my mother." Sirius complained, wearily.

"Why?" James asked him, popping a cracker in his mouth. "She insults you. The whole school gets to listen to your Howlers on a weekly basis."

"_Awwww_!" Peter giggled. "_Poor 'ickle puppy!_"

"It's priceless." James pointed out. "You can't buy entertainment like that."

"Yeah. Hysterical." Sirius agreed, slumping back on Remus's bed and putting his head in the Werewolf's lap. "What are we reading, Moony?"

"White Fang." Remus said, getting it from his nightstand. "It's Muggle."

"Muggles can be cool." Sirius said, making himself comfortable and closing his eyes.

.

"You are _so_ lame." James told him.

"And so gay." Peter added.

"Eat me." Sirius said, with a yawn.

"You missed dinner to have bum sex." Peter said, with a giggle. Sirius lifted his head to regard little Peter with cool silver eyes.

"You could have done with missing dinner." He said. "And you wish anyone loved you enough to read you to sleep."

.

He curled back up against Remus and closed his eyes again as Remus started to read. James went back to his own bed and changed into his pyjamas, and Peter took his to get changed in the bathroom, which he always did when Sirius called him fat.

.

"Read a bit louder, Moonshine." James suggested, putting his glasses on his nightstand and wandering around the dorm as he brushed his teeth. Sirius proved he was not actually asleep by shifting up the bed so James could sit on the end of it, next to his muddy boots.

.

"…Are you seriously going to sleep like that, Pads?" James asked, trying to keep the mud off his pyjamas.

"Saves time in the morning." Sirius mumbled.

"And Moony has 'saved time' by being in his pyjamas all day." Peter added, from the door.

"That's what weekends are for." Remus told him. "Now be quiet, or I'm not reading anymore. Are you getting in on this, Peter?"

.

"He's too fat to fit on the bed." Sirius said, without lifting his head.

"_You_ smell unwashed." Peter told him, squeezing onto the bed next to James.

"You smell fat and sweaty." Sirius said.

"No I don't. I've just showered." Peter told him. "You haven't changed out of your filthy Quidditch robes."

.

"Keep interrupting and I'll kick you off the bed." Sirius growled, moving his boot.

"You have just smeared mud all over me and all over Remus's…!" Peter squeaked as Sirius's boot launched him onto the floor.

.

"_You stupid idiot_!" Peter yelled, thumping Sirius and scrambling back onto the quilt.

"I will be so covered in bruises in the morning." Sirius complained sleepily, nuzzling his face into Remus's shirt.

"Pratt." Peter told him, rubbing his arse.

"Last chance to shut up before I stop reading." Remus warned.

"Don't stop." Sirius said. "I'm not asleep yet."

.

"…I'll miss this when we leave school." James said, crossing his lanky legs uncomfortably. "I'm going back to my own bed now, because Sirius is the only person who's comfortable here. But I will, I am sure, miss this just as much as the awesome pranks, the full moons and the Quidditch."

"_I won't._" Peter said, rubbing his bum again as he got up with James.

"Yes, you will." James told him. "You will look back just as fondly as the rest of us."

"_Yeah, right_!" Peter scoffed, scooping up the cracker box and disappearing behind his bed-drapes.

.

"…Night Pads!" James called across to him. Remus lifted his finger to his lips, without stopping reading.

"…_Night Moony_." James said, more quietly. "…That must be one boring book." Remus nodded, reading steadily.

.

"…You going to get married, Moony?" James asked him. Remus looked over at him and back at the book, place lost, listening briefly for any sign that Sirius was still awake.

"What…? To a nice lady Werewolf?" He asked, quietly.

"A witch. Don't tell her." James told him. "You're allowed to have secrets from your wife. It's only one night a month and you've hidden it through seven years of school. If anyone deserves some happiness in their life it's you. We'd help you keep it a secret, again."

.

"That's nice of you." Remus assured him, quietly. Sirius didn't stir; arms draped around Remus's waist, face buried on his hip. Remus leant across and tossed 'White Fang' onto the nightstand. "…I'm going to try and infiltrate Voldemort's Wolf pack for Dumbledore." He told James quietly. "Maybe I can do some good."

"Hopefully." James agreed. "But one day, settle down, yes? Look after yourself instead of everyone else."

"Yes." Remus agreed, quietly. "One day."

.

"And we'll find Pad's a wife." James added, looking down at his lanky teenage best friend, stretched out now to take up Remus's entire muddy bed, face hidden under a tangled mass of jet black hair.

"Doubt it'll be hard." Remus pointed out. James nodded.

"Someone older maybe." He said. "That'll make him grow up a bit."

"Or that'll just baby him." Peter piped up. "…Not in a _creepy_ way, of course." He added, sweetly.

"Someone Pureblood, so his family stop shouting at him." James added, quietly.

"Yes." Remus agreed, running a scarred hand through Sirius's silky black hair, prompting a sleepy contented noise and an arm to curl around his back.

.

"…God, that would drive me insane!" Peter laughed. "You're going to be stuck sitting on your pillows all night, Moony."

"Sleep in his bed." James said. "Let him sleep in his own muddy mess. The House Elves will give you clean sheets tomorrow."

"I was sitting up anyway." Remus said, reaching for the wad of crumpled library book pages. "Got to sort these into the right order before I fix it… Glad there's only two thousand of them."

"You're insane. Chuck it in the bin and pay for a new one." James told him. "Pince will know anyway."

"I like fixing things." Remus told him. "I fix other things because I am unfixable."

.

"One day someone will find a cure for lycanthrope." James told him. "I'll pay for research when I get my inheritance, if Sirius doesn't beat me to it."

"I don't think it's cure-able." Remus told him, starting to sort through the pages, looking for low numbers. "…But you made it bearable, James. All of you. You didn't throw me away when you found out how broken I was."

"If you were a two thousand page ripped up library book, I would have thrown you straight away." James promised.

"And I would have." Peter agreed.

"…_I would keep you._" Sirius slurred, wrapping his arm more tightly around Remus's waist.

.

"Awww!" Peter snorted. "That's vomit worthy."

"You would as well, wouldn't you, Padfoot?" James laughed. "He wouldn't fix you, Moony, but he'd definitely keep you. Although Sirius keeps chewed chewing gum and clothes that don't fit him anymore, so I'm not sure it's much of a complement!"

"No, it isn't much of a compliment." Peter agreed. "He keeps toenail cuttings and mud."

"I think those are accidental." James laughed. "…We'll find you a very patient wife, Pads, with big bosoms and cake, who'll cook you roast dinner every day of the week."

"I'll have one of those wives too." Peter laughed. "As long as she's pure filth in the bedroom."

"Sirius is 'pure filth' in the bedroom." James said. "Muddy sheets, toenail clippings and dog hairs, what more could a girl ask for?"

"Lucky wife." Peter agreed. "It's a good job he's handsome."

.

"You're gay, Peter." Sirius slurred.

"You're drooling on another boy's thigh!" Peter told him. "That makes you considerably gayer than I am. And _I_ don't think you're handsome, I was just saying girls do."

"Screw you all." Sirius growled. "Moony loves me."

"Only in a gay way." Peter told him.

.

"If I wasn't so tired, I'd get up and give you such a beating, you rat-faced little worm." Sirius growled. "Don't stop reading, Moony."

"Stop talking then." Remus told him, reaching across and retrieving White Fang from his nightstand.

"…Peter is a pratt." Sirius grumbled, making him smile as he flicked through for his folded page.

.

"I pity your future wife." Peter called across.

"I pity yours." Sirius muttered.

"I pity both of them." James snorted. "Lily and I will never have either of you round to ours for dinner, although we will have Moony and his wife. In fact, Moony, your wife could come round to ours every full moon. She could have a 'girls night in' with Lily and we could have a 'boys night out'; if you know what I mean."

.

"Without me and Sirius?" Peter asked, rather appalled.

"No. Just without your wives." Remus said. "Although it sounds like James is going to set Sirius up with your mum, Peter, so it'll be cosy enough."  
"_I'm not shagging Peter's mum_." Sirius growled.

"She's a very good cook." James laughed. "Look at Peter's sea of flab."

"…_I'm not eating Peter and I'm not shagging his mum_." Sirius growled.

.

James choked on his laughter. "She probably won't marry you, if you eat Peter, anyway." Remus told him, petting Sirius's head.

"You're not reading." Sirius growled at him.

"Because you're still talking." Remus pointed out.

"And because you're _hilarious, _Pads!" James crowed. "Peter's mum is pure filth in the bedroom, Pads, and she's got a right pair on her."

.

"Shut up about my mum!" Peter warned him, outraged. "You're bloody sick, Prongs!"

"It's not me that wants to shag her." James pointed out.

"Sirius is too gay to shag my mum." Peter snapped, crossly.

"_I'll shag your fat-arsed mum if I want to_." Sirius growled.

"You are going to get hexed in a minute!" Peter warned him.

.

"I can actually slightly see Sirius with Peter's mum." James said. "She's always _very friendly_ with him. Sirius could be your step-dad, Wormy."

"_You all disgust me_." Sirius warned them. "Moony, please read; read loudly so I can't hear them."

.

"You're such a whingey little bitch!" Peter said, crossly. "I don't know why anyone thinks you're cool, Sirius! It's not funny to joke about people's mums! And you're mum is a bloody psycho bitch!"

"You can shag her if you want." Sirius offered, with a lazy sigh. "Think my dad might castrate you though."

"He'd probably castrate you if he knew you liked sleeping with your face in another boy's crotch!" Peter spat at him. Sirius rolled over, looking at him with cold silver eyes.

.

"I'm not going to tell you to shut up again." He said, icily. "You open your fat face once more and I will launch you down that staircase."

"Don't talk about my mum then!" Peter spat back. Sirius studied him, deciding if he counted a single consenting response as talking. Peter glared, red cheeked, until Sirius sighed and rolled onto his side, looping his arm back around Remus's waist.

"Sorry, Moony." He muttered. "Please don't stop reading."

.

Remus lifted the book back up to his face, finding his place. Peter yanked back his covers and flung himself under them, a single hand appearing to grab his cracker box. "Oh yes." James said. "We're going to miss days like these."


End file.
